Dear Lexi,
I started writing this post to you over a year ago as a way to help release some of my thoughts and emotions on tragedies that have happened in our neighborhood and across the country. There were too many sad and horrible things that happened your first year of life. Our neighbor’s house burnt down, a man killed 20 innocent 1st graders in school, two boys set of bombs during the Boston Marathon, there was a murder in our neighborhood and much more.
When I first began writing this post, I didn’t necessarily know how to make sense of what I was feeling, and basically just documented the events and how terrible they were and how sad they made me. But now, as time has gone by and the shock of these horrible things has diminished, the thing that sticks with me is a mother’s love.
Sad and horrible things have been happening my entire life. As I would hear about them, I would agree they were sad and felt bad for the people involved, but never had tragedies touched my heart in the way they have since I found out I was pregnant with you. Now, I can’t help but selfishly think, What if that was me? I’m instantly brought to tears and my stomach churns as if I’m going to be sick. I can not imagine life without you and feel for the pain these families go through.
I always thought I knew what the phrase ‘A mother’s love’ meant, but after having you, I realized the feeling is so much stronger and deeper than I ever imagined.
Lexi, you are my world and can’t imagine life without you in it. You make the sun feel warmer, the flowers more fragrant, your giggles are contagious and life is just straight-up more joyful with you in it. I pray there isn’t a day that I have to experience what unfortunately so many other mothers around the world face. And I prey that one day you are blessed with your own little angle so you can experience ‘a mother’s love’, because it is an amazing and powerful thing.
Love,
Mama
Peanut Smiles 