It is hard for me to believe that 4 weeks ago Daddy and I were heading to the hospital to meet you. It feels like forever ago, yet in my mind it still feels like you’re a couple of days old. This past month has been a mix of emotions for mommy. I have these moments where I’m bursting with joy and bring myself to tears staring at you and thanking God for blessing us with this perfect little boy. Then, I have these moments where I just want to cry because I don’t have enough arms to take care of you and your sister and question myself over and over. You’re eating and your sister needs to go to the bathroom and I have to choose–Do I stop; make you angry and cover yourself and myself in sticky breast milk or take the chance of Lexi not being able to hold it and pee her pants? Then I worry; Am I not holding you enough? It feels like I’m always putting you down once you’ve fallen asleep so I can do something for Lexi or get something else done (like write this letter) instead of just enjoying you and not worrying about the messy tornado the house has become or making dinner. Then, I worry; Am I holding you too much and creating bad habits and you’re not going to be able to sleep by yourself? Both thoughts are complete contradictions of one other, but honest thoughts. For now, I’m blaming it on the swing of hormones my body is going through and hoping that I’m not going crazy! Overall, taking care of two is so much harder than I ever imagined.
One month stats:
- 10 lbs .5 oz (56.2%)
- 22″ long (81%)
- 15 in head circumference (85%)
Overall, eating is going well. Once my milk stabilized (around 10 days), I felt much more in control and you were able to latch much better. Frequency of eating is all over the board. If I had to guess, I would say you eat every 3 hours or so. Occasionally, you’ll go 5 hours if you fall into a deep sleep. Around 2.5 weeks you started giving us longer night stretches. Most nights you eat around 9, 1:30 and then again around 7. Of course, there are nights where you wake more often than this, but there have been several nights where this is the ‘schedule’. Also around the 2.5 week timeframe, you started showing some signs of intense gassiness. You scrunch up your face turn bright red and cry and squirm for 30 seconds or so and then go completely calm.
This continues to occur almost all day and prevents you from falling into a deep sleep. You’ll sleep for 30 to 45 minute stretches but then wake yourself with these gas pains. It is so hard to watch you experience these as you’re clearly in pain and discomfort but there is nothing that we can do to help. At 3 weeks, we took you to the doctor to see if there was anything we could do or give you. They suggested some gas drops, but they didn’t really work. We also had tried prune juice in a bottle, which helped you poop but didn’t take away the gassiness and fussiness. (By the way, you take a bottle like a champ!) One thing the lactation consultant suggested that did help was to have me recline way back or nearly lay down during let down. It comes out pretty strong and quickly so you you were making lots of gulping noises and you would choke on the milk, which then would also spray all over your face when you pulled off. The gassiness is still there, but you seem to do a much better job eating when you can control the let down. You’re still eating on just one side per feeding and do a great job of latching on and off. Within the last two days, I feel like the gassiness has gotten better. You still have it and wince and cry in pain, but you don’t seem to be in as much pain and it isn’t lasting all day. Additionally, you seem to have some results of all your pushing and grunting as now we’re hearing toots and seeing you poop as a result.
Speaking of poop–you like to do it frequently and like to have your diaper changed immediately. I would say you poop 6-8 times between the hours of 7 am and 2 pm. We are going through a ton of diapers (you switched from newborns at about week 3 to size 1s).
Back to the gas, I’ve removed dairy and caffeine from my diet to see if either of those things are triggers for you. They weren’t, thank God! I was willing to try anything to help you get some relief, but no dairy for me was terrible. Milk or cheese is in nearly every recipe that I have and is a big part of my diet.
Today at the doctor for your 1 month checkup–they gave us a prescription for reflux to see if that may be causing the fussiness. You rarely spit up, but I do hear a lot of noises so you may be spitting up and swallowing it again?! We shall see! After your done eating, I try and lay you flat on my legs to get your stomach to settle and then either put you on my shoulder or have you sit up to burp. You usually give me one good burp.
Other interesting notes:
- You have the scrawniest little frog legs ever. You love to kick (especially during diaper changes) and push off things with your long little string bean legs. No chubby thighs for you!
- You love to keep your hands right by your face (also evidenced by your ultrasound pics)
- Your wearing 3 month clothes (you never fit into newborn clothes)
- Around the 1 week mark, the baby acne came in full force and it is still pretty intense. Hopefully it starts to get better in the next couple of weeks. However, the rest of your skin is silky and smooth and I love to run my hands on it. Your wrinkly old man hands and feet went about just after week 1.
- You love to cuddle and be held–especially with a soft blanket wrapped around your head. If you’re really upset, I’ll wrap a blanket around you hold you really tight and close to me and bounce up and down and it usually calms you down and puts you right to sleep. You also do really well hanging out in the Ergo. It almost always puts your to sleep and I love feeling your fast little breaths on my chest.
- I think you might love your pacifier more than me. Seriously. You really really like to sooth yourself with it. And Lexi really likes to take it from you. If it falls out of your mouth you squirm and arch your back to try and reach it. You’ve even rolled over because you were squirming so much!
- Around week 2 we had you start sleeping in your bedroom. We were switching between the rock and play and the crib and swaddling and not swaddling trying to figure out what worked best to have you sleep the longest. Around week 3, we started swaddling you and having you sleep in the crib every night. You were a little resistant at first, but I think it has been helping you sleep for longer stretches.
- Around 3 weeks, you started to smile at us. Those gummy grins are far and few between, but they have made a couple of appearances.
- Your big sister Lexi adores you. She is constantly asking where ‘Buddy’ is and telling us she wants to see you. She loves to give you kisses and hugs (honestly, like 10 or more a day). She also loves to put herself right in your line of sight and announce, ‘He’s wooking at you’. This is especially true during diaper changes. She literally gets right up in your face so your noses are touching. She has started to act out a little. I’m sure part of it is from her being 2 and the other part from the lack of attention she’s getting. She’ll often tell me that you aren’t hungry when your crying or that you don’t need to be burped but she needs me to color with her.
- I’m not sure what we’re going to call you yet. William? Will? I don’t know. For now, it is just William, but am hoping as your little personality starts to shine, we’ll have a better sense of what suits you best.
Well there you have it Mr. William. Your first month captured in way more detail than you probably ever cared to know. The most important thing we want you to know is how much your Daddy and I love you. We are so excited to watch you grow into your own little person and help teach you and guide you along in this crazy life.