I have been trying to write this post since I saw that positive pregnancy test and have made excuse after excuse of not doing it as I wasn’t sure what to say to you for the first time. And I think it was/is such a struggle because I’m still in a state of shock. And I’m not sure why. You were planned and prayed for but at 14 weeks into this journey, it doesn’t feel like the reality has set in and that you will be joining us in 6 months. 90 percent of me am ecstatic, thankful and overjoyed to be on this journey again and giving Lexi and sibling and another little person for Daddy and I to love, chase after and add personality to our family. The other 10 percent of me is scared. Am I really ready for all of the changes my body will go through in the next year, challenges that will come from having two little people, sleep deprivation, breast feeding, things that I never experienced with your sister and can’t be prepared for, anxiety over you being healthy and how and when you will arrive and so much more. Am I really ready for this?
And the answer to that is no, of course not. How could I possibly prepare myself for such a dramatic change that has thousands of possible outcomes? There was no way I could prepare myself to understand how much I was going to love your big sister and I don’t think there is any way possible I can prepare to understand how much I am going to love you and love Lexi just as much, but it will happen.
So the reality is that I don’t think I will ever really be ‘ready’ for a change as large as you, especially all of the unexpected and unknowns. But regardless of what all of those unknowns are; I do know I am ready to love and snuggle you, listen to your sweet little noises, smell your innocence, feel your soft skin and be the best mama I can be to you.
Keep growing little munchkin. You are joining a wonderful family that will shower you with love and know we can’t wait to meet you in 6 months.